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Today’s Jacquie Straight Up is a very personal one and I am going to be exposed and vulnerable today. Many of you know that I talk quite a bit about breaking the rules. In fact one of my keynote speeches is entitled “Break the Rules for a Kick Ass Life!”

But what does that mean exactly and why is it so integral to success and happiness? And I am not talking here about breaking the law – breaking the law can really screw up your life and the lives of others. I am talking about challenging the unwritten rules of society – those little boxes that we are programmed to tick off whether they work for us or not. If you are not yet married but you feel that you aught to be if you do not have kids but you feel the pressure to have them, if you are passionate about acting but you spend your days being an accountant, if you are constantly fighting against the natural tide of your life, then this message is for you.

When life is taking you in one direction but society dictates another, so you feel like a failure – then this video is for you. And here’s why I felt so compelled to discuss this subject today.

Recently I was having dinner with my parents and some lifelong family friends who I had not seen in about a decade. But even though I hadn’t seen them in a while, they’d certainly heard about some of the more gossip worthy aspects of my life via the grapevine.

They didn’t know anything about my business though and asked about it. After explaining that I speak, write, coach and train people to live their best lives, I could see the wheels of judgment turning for Rosie and I knew the next question before it even came out. You see, here’s what she was thinking

“Your first husband was gay with drug problems and mental health issues, you lived with a rich man for ten years but never married him, you’ve never had your own children, and now you’re married to a troubled much younger man who doesn’t have a pot to piss in!”.

And so the question came: “How can you give advice to others when you don’t even have your own life in order?”

Hmm… And here’s the amazing thing. I did not feel defensive even for a second. In fact, I was quite pleased that Rosie had asked the question because I know that many people think it but don’t have the balls to ask out loud, She does and I love her for that.  To Rosie as it still is with many people, a woman’s success is defined by her relationship or lack thereof, as many of my single viewers know all too well.

Despite being a published author, a millionaire who runs a business I absolutely love, causes, a beautiful home, a loving family, amazing friends, tremendous health, and touching the lives of women around the world, my domestic life does not fit into the clearly defined box that society has decided defines ultimate success
for a woman – Yes still in 2015.

You see while my love life is not what others may chose for themselves, it works for me and isn’t that what really matters as long as I am not hurting anyone else?

The man I love is unconventional and challenging but my personal growth has been exponential as a result of learning to love him unconditionally. Loving him has taught me so much more about myself, about love, and about humanity than anything I could have ever imagined.

So my question to you is, which neat little box do you feel compelled to break out of – one you know you don’t fit into but you feel the pressure to conform? It can be pretending to be straight when you know you’re gay or secretly dreaming of quitting the job you hate to travel the world doing humanitarian work. Perhaps you feel society’s pressure to stay in a marriage that hurts for the sake of the kids or perhaps its to leave a marriage that others feel the need to judge.

What’s right for you?

Don’t let other people’s version of success and definition of happiness, effect the decisions you make for YOUR life or most importantly, effect how you feel about yourself. Have the courage to stand up for yourself and be the champion of your own path no matter how wacky it may seems to other. It takes tremendous strength to go against mass convention but isn’t that what you want to be? Strong and courageous and passionate about your life?

If you can’t have biological children, I submit to you that perhaps there is a darn good reason for that and it’s most likely your purpose. If being married to one person for 60 years is not in the cards for you anymore, I submit to you that it is not meant to be. If staying in a steady job and retiring with a corporate pension is not happening for you, there is a reason. Be open to it.

Trust the Universe and be courageous enough to fly in the face of
convention and judgment. Don’t fight against the tide of your own life in order to fit in to society’s neat little rules. It’s the people that break those rules that make the most difference in this world, it’s the people that challenge the status quo who bring about necessary change in society and its those who are prepared to dance to the beat of their own drum who die fulfilled and with no regrets. Just ask Oprah Winfrey or Gloria Steinem or the numerous other women who have dared to question the status quo and break out of what was “expected” of them.

Be courageous, be who you truly are and live your life on your own terms. That is when you will also make a difference in this world and in the lives of others. And that to me is success.

Now I would love to hear from you on this subject. What unwritten rule are you trying to live by when your life is telling you something different? Where do you feel the pressure to conform and how do you handle it?

Let me know in the comments below this video and lets keep the conversation going so more and more people have the courage to be who they really are.

And if you’ve liked this video, please click the like button and share it with your friends –I feel that this is a really important message for people to hear so help me share it with as many people as possible!

  • Jody
    Posted at 16:29h, 21 October Reply

    Thank you for sharing your personal story, this really helped me clarify what path I should take with my life. I am going to try and be as true to myself as I can from here on out.

    • Jacquie
      Posted at 08:55h, 22 October Reply

      Awesome Jody!

  • Kristina
    Posted at 16:32h, 21 October Reply

    This has been so refreshing to hear, I struggle with balancing my dreams with the pressure I feel from the people around me to give up on my dream job. Thank you for helping me realize that this is my life and I can live it by my own terms. You are the best!

    • Jacquie
      Posted at 08:55h, 22 October Reply

      Thank you Kristina!

  • Jana
    Posted at 04:50h, 22 October Reply

    You continue to inspire me! Every one of your videos resonate with me but this particular one hits me very personally as I seem to be on a very similar journey to you….I am starting to realise who I am supposed to be, what my true life-path should be and yet those “close” to me watch me, puzzling, what happened to the person we knew?? I am on such a journey of change, both full of light and dark, sorrow and yet so much joy. When I made a list the other day of the all the downs I have faced in my life thus far, I too wonder at my audacity to offer guidance to those undertaking similar journeys but I also realise that without these terrible things that have happened to me, I would never have the empathy, compassion and understanding that I do have now and in turn, know that I can offer so much to others. Thank you Jacquie for your inspirations!

    • Jacquie
      Posted at 08:58h, 22 October Reply

      Wow – Such a great comment. Thank you Jana! You are so right. To mentor others, you must have a good understanding of what they are facing and how it feels to be in their shoes. And you have become so much more enlightend with every struggle you have faced because you are open to the lessons – Bravo!

  • Laura
    Posted at 09:15h, 22 October Reply

    Hey Jacquie: I’ve been busy with the new job which your “Jacquie, Straight Up” “Putting it to the universe” talked helped me formulate. People ask me when I’m getting married, most recently I was at a wedding and as always my older aunt asked “when are you next” (I’m 53, 2 kids, 4 grandkids); weeks later we attended a funeral, I nudged her and asked “when are you next”. I think she got it.
    I’ve been asked three times but I can’t see getting married or have I ever had desire to get married.
    Love your “Jacquie Straight UP”

    • Jacquie
      Posted at 16:34h, 22 October Reply

      Woo Hoo! Congratulations on the new job Laura! And your comment made me laugh out loud – you’ve got this!!

  • Marlise
    Posted at 09:57h, 04 November Reply

    Hey J! Your friend here from South Africa?. I listened to your talk about breaking the rules and I am proud to say that that is absolutely what I am doing!!!! I dediced to become a coach… Almost everyone I talk to about this is very skeptical but I will prove all of them wrong!!! Thank you for reminding me that I am ME and society can go… Lol

    • Jacquie
      Posted at 06:00h, 06 November Reply

      So great to hear from you Marlise and YES you can! The road less travelled is often treacherous but oh so worth it – filled with an abundence of riches and beauty! xo

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