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The Reality of Ray Rice: Weighing In On Domestic Abuse

Advance warning: today’s Jacquie Straight Up may ruffle your feathers and stir your emotions. I’m weighing in on the controversial subject of domestic abuse, sparked by NFL star Ray Rice’s recent assault on his finance.

Admittedly, my opinions on the root issues here may have you nodding your head in agreement, or perhaps sputtering in disbelief…but either way, I’m sure you’ll agree it’s a sobering topic that demands our attention, reflection, and action.

Now to my thoughts on the matter…

So much has already been said about what punishment is appropriate for a guy like Ray Rice. And so much has been said about his then fiance and now wife, Janay, who went ahead and married him after the assault happened, and is now standing by her man.

But I want to take a step back and talk about the much larger issue here. I’m not making excuses for anyone…I just want to talk about the systemic reasons why this kind of stuff happens in the first place. I believe that as a society, we MUST address the deeper issues, or this kind of stuff will continue forever into the future.

So what is the root cause? I go deep in today’s Jacquie Straight Up, but in my opinion:

  1. It all stems from how boys and girls are raised.
  2. It stems from our ancient and deeply ingrained thought patterns.
  3. And it stems from old and redundant beliefs on clearly defined roles, gender limitations, and what defines a family.

I would argue that none of this really has any place in our society in 2014. We’ve evolved, and society needs to catch up. I’m clearly not holding anything back today…and it only gets better! Click video to watch.

Make no mistake, even today, the majority of girls are still raised with the notion that their primary aspiration should be to find a man — a man who can provide for them, and with whom they should have children. In fact, in all my research, this is still the number one concern parents have for their girls, and it’s 2014! But in my opinion, this should be concern number two. (Or of no concern at all, but that’s just me.)

Concern number one should be that girls discover their own individual phenomenal power and ability, and strive to reach their own full potential!

But because of how they’re raised, women set out on an all out campaign to do what they’ve been conditioned to do at all costs: they even marry the same guy who knocked them out cold in an elevator. And it drives me crazy!

So here’s my main message: we need to change the way girls are raised.

We need to raise girls to be their own soul mates, so they can be inspired to live up to their own phenomenal potential.

We need to inspire girls to be financially independent, to be themselves, and to become all that they can be. (Needing someone for your livelihood or survival puts you at their mercy, and that is never a good place to be.)

And we need to raise girls to stand alone, and to let love happen naturally, passionately, and beautifully, and not because they need to be taken care of…after all, love, without need, is freedom.

Then there are the boys. Boys are also products of their environments. As long as they are raised with the example of women being at the mercy of men, they will naturally perpetuate the same thing.

And as long as we continue to discipline children with physical force, they will grow up believing that hitting and beating is the solution to frustration and a bruised ego.

Let me be clear. I am in no way excusing bad behavior — some actions need to be punished. But we cannot ignore the bigger picture.

My goal, my passion, my mission, is to help raise kids to be their own soul mates. To not put their happiness, their livelihoods, or their power into someone else’s hands. It sounds daunting, I know. But we can do this! And that’s why I started the Be Your Own Soul Mate movement.

Why? Because when we are our own soul mates, we love ourselves fully, and are completely secure with who we are. We are confident in our own worthiness, and we no longer give away our power.

We no longer need to dominate others, either. We can actually love others with an open heart, no longer fearing failure or rejection. And we can actually love others for love’s sake, not because we need them for our survival. When we get to the point where we can love people for love’s sake, that to me, is nirvana.

In the comments section below, let me know what you think of this controversial subject. I know I’ve probably stirred some opinions with today’s video, so please weigh in. I would really love to hear from you. I read and respond to all comments.

And if you’ve liked this video, please hit the like button, and share it with your family and friends.

Sending love and strength,

  • Lisa Ellison
    Posted at 16:34h, 15 October Reply

    I really agree with what you have said here. I am almost fifty years old (eeek) and am going through a messy divorce. I would have never married this man had my mother taught me to take care of myself first. I watched my father be very abusive to her as well as all six children. My ex husband was never physically abusive to me but emotionally, verbally, and financially abused can be just as bad. I married a narcissist and am now trying to repair myself from the abusive childhood as well as the last 26 years of marriage. He really believes that he owes me nothing because I never brought money into the home. I got lucky and had 2 boys. The oldest has a degree in psychology, so he understands that his parents relationship wasn’t a good one, although his father tries to make me look like the bad one in the marriage. The youngest has autism and also a degree in computer science engineering. He has a hard time with human interaction already so it makes it difficult for him to see what was wrong in the marriage. I don’t talk down about their father and he has to create his own relationships with them. I just try to work on myself, to learn to like and accept myself and hope they learn from my mistakes and trying to make myself the best “me” I can be. I almost have a degree in accounting and by watching inspirational speakers like yourself as well as anyone I can find helps so much. It’s hard to get therapy because I can’t afford it and this seems to be the only way to get free therapy. For that I thank you. Keep up the great videos. They all bring me strength as well as I’m sure many others. ~Lisa~

  • Jacquie
    Posted at 10:16h, 17 October Reply

    Thanks so much for your comment Lisa – I certainly can relate to you on so many levels and admire your desire and commitment to seek out inspiration during this rough time. It sounds like you have raised 2 remarkable boys and you should be so proud. I know that you will come out of the messy divorce with a new found strength and motivation for the next chapter of your life. You are strong and powerful and your future is in your hands – You have what it takes to live an extraordinary life ! XO

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