22 Feb Living Apart Together
“Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live. It is asking others to live as one wishes to live.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Many people think that I am weird or just plain selfish but I have to say that I loathe the constant compromise required to peacefully but resentfully cohabit with another human being. Yes indeed, living alone – well, with my dog – is a luxury that I am grateful for every day of my life.
In my dream relationship, we live in separate homes next door to one another or at a minimum, in a large house with separate wings. My wing has a beautiful bedroom, a perfect bathroom and dressing room, a TV room/den and an office with a great view. Mr. Wonderful gets to choose what his wing is comprised of (but he doesn’t get to share mine!). The shared portion of the house has a large great room with open plan living/kitchen/dining, a home theatre and a gym.
I have been a huge proponent of my “separate wing theory” to all the men who have been in my life for the last 16 years – it has gone down like a lead balloon! People cling to tradition because change is scary and flying in the face of convention means making oneself vulnerable to cutting criticism and judgment.
I realize that many share a residence (and in some cases stay in unhealthy relationships) for economic reasons and still more do so because they have or want to have children. This makes perfect sense to me. I’m not saying that my “separate wing theory” is a one-size-fits-all solution. On the contrary, I am saying that it should merely be considered as an option by those who are intrigued by it and considered acceptable by those who are not.
It seems so natural to me to want to maintain mystique and intrigue when it comes to ones sexual partner. I mean I find it so hard to remain sexually attracted to a man once I am privy to his burping, farting and other not so pleasant bodily functions. I love the idea of being together because you really want to be together and not because you have to – I think that this is why so many of us have friendships that last a lifetime but spousal relationships that crash and burn with alacrity.
As you can well imagine, it was of great interest to me and quite honestly, somewhat vindicating to read a fascinating article entitled “Divide and Conquer” by Kate Bolick in the very latest American “Elle” magazine – the March edition. Apparently there are researchers working to legitimize LAT (Living Apart Together) because of its increasing popularity!
Now, I just have to find that sexy, secure and completely non-needy man – needle in a haystack? I choose to think not.
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