29 Jul I dream, I visualize…but STILL nothing. Why is this??

QUESTION:
“Just a question on all this dreaming: I’ve been dreaming and visualizing a lot — and have been doing this for some time, and almost live in my head rather in the reality that is not so nice — and yet my dreams don’t seem to come true, opportunities seem in short supply, and things that should work out, don’t. What do you think is happening?”
– Disillusioned Dreamer

ANSWER:
Well, hello Disillusioned Dreamer!

This is a tough one because in no way do I want to trivialize the difficult time that you have been having by giving you some rosy, glib answer. However, I most definitely have an opinion and I hope it helps you.

The first thing that pops into my head when reading your question is this: the universe, the force, whatever you want to call it is trying to tell you something — perhaps you need to make a 180 degree change in your life? It is a given in this life that when we continue to do what we have always done, we will continue to get the same results. Time for a radical change.

I am going to be bold and lay out some steps that I believe you should follow in order to put yourself in a position to RECEIVE the dreams that have been eluding you.

Step 1. If you are not already, then please do whatever it takes to become fit and healthy. Get plenty of sleep, eat modestly, make healthy food choices, keep alcohol intake to a minimum and most importantly EXERCISE. I speak from experience here. The only way that our dreams come true is by our truly BELIEVING that we are worthy and deserving. When I have gained weight or am not exercising, I no longer respect myself. When my self-respect diminishes, I no longer really like myself. When I no longer really like or respect myself, how can I possibly believe that I am truly deserving of a fabulous life? Oh, I can pay lip service to it but how can I possibly truly BELIEVE?

Exercise is critical because it clears your head and those endorphins — believe me, they are real and they work. They are the ultimate antidepressant. Again, I speak from experience. When my life as I knew it was unravelling in 2009, sometimes it hurt to breathe. Jogging became my saviour. While I was out on the trail, feelings of euphoria would flash through me and I would suddenly feel that it was all good; that my life would be great again; that it was all happening for a reason.

Step 2. Remove yourself completely from toxic or negative situations. Maybe this means finding a new place to hang your hat. Remember, we cannot change others, only ourselves. Forgive those that have wronged you and then move on. Be careful who you share your beliefs and dreams with — try to surround yourself with people who support them. We know that what we focus on expands. When we are surrounded by bad, it is extremely difficult to not focus on the bad…hence, we bring more bad.

Step 3. Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. This addresses your point regarding the opportunities that are “in short supply.” It has been my experience that opportunities are rarely glaringly obvious solutions to our problems. They are often small whispers, little suggestions, unassuming recommendations. For example, someone offers you an all expense paid trip somewhere — the timing does not feel right to you, you have pressing matters that require your attention at home — the list of reasons why not to go are endless if we look for them. But I believe that there are no coincidences. Something would in all likelihood come out of the trip that would change your life in some way.

I sat next to a guy on a plane a few years ago who recommended The Alchemist to me. I knew that the recommendation was no coincidence and actually reading that book had a profound effect on my life. I watched the movie Julie and Julia on a plane one day. I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was getting a clear message from that story. Write my book and put it on the web. Oftentimes, these “opportunities” are thoughts or ideas that keep flashing through our minds. Don’t ignore these. Act on them. Yes, it often takes courage and guts to follow a whispered opportunity but as Anais Nin said, “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage,” and to that, my life coach added, “Courage will come when you step out”.

Now I believe that things will start to happen for you. If all we needed was a dream in order to live a successful life, the entire world would be in a state of bliss. It requires so much more than that — we have to work on ourselves endlessly. We have to do what it takes to get our lives in order and in the state to receive. Making radical changes to the status quo is difficult and takes IMMENSE courage — no doubt about it. Is it worth it in the long run? In my experience, the answer is a resounding YES. To that point, there is a quote by Oscar Wilde that I love: “Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it’s too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.”

So be BRAVE, be BOLD, take some risks that challenge your sense of responsibility. After all, you cannot be a great mother, father, spouse, friend, sister, brother, son, daughter or business partner until your OWN life is joyful and you are living up to your OWN expectations.

I send you love, strength and above all, courage,
JS