QUESTION:
“Just a question on all this dreaming: I’ve been dreaming and visualizing a lot — and have been doing this for some time, and almost live in my head rather in the reality that is not so nice — and yet my dreams don’t seem to come true, opportunities seem in short supply, and things that should work out, don’t. What do you think is happening?”
- Disillusioned Dreamer
ANSWER:
Well, hello Disillusioned Dreamer!
This is a tough one because in no way do I want to trivialize the difficult time that you have been having by giving you some rosy, glib answer. However, I most definitely have an opinion and I hope it helps you.
The first thing that pops into my head when reading your question is this: the universe, the force, whatever you want to call it is trying to tell you something — perhaps you need to make a 180 degree change in your life? It is a given in this life that when we continue to do what we have always done, we will continue to get the same results. Time for a radical change.
I am going to be bold and lay out some steps that I believe you should follow in order to put yourself in a position to RECEIVE the dreams that have been eluding you.
Step 1. If you are not already, then please do whatever it takes to become fit and healthy. Get plenty of sleep, eat modestly, make healthy food choices, keep alcohol intake to a minimum and most importantly EXERCISE. I speak from experience here. The only way that our dreams come true is by our truly BELIEVING that we are worthy and deserving. When I have gained weight or am not exercising, I no longer respect myself. When my self-respect diminishes, I no longer really like myself. When I no longer really like or respect myself, how can I possibly believe that I am truly deserving of a fabulous life? Oh, I can pay lip service to it but how can I possibly truly BELIEVE?
Exercise is critical because it clears your head and those endorphins — believe me, they are real and they work. They are the ultimate antidepressant. Again, I speak from experience. When my life as I knew it was unravelling in 2009, sometimes it hurt to breathe. Jogging became my saviour. While I was out on the trail, feelings of euphoria would flash through me and I would suddenly feel that it was all good; that my life would be great again; that it was all happening for a reason.
Step 2. Remove yourself completely from toxic or negative situations. Maybe this means finding a new place to hang your hat. Remember, we cannot change others, only ourselves. Forgive those that have wronged you and then move on. Be careful who you share your beliefs and dreams with — try to surround yourself with people who support them. We know that what we focus on expands. When we are surrounded by bad, it is extremely difficult to not focus on the bad…hence, we bring more bad.
Step 3. Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. This addresses your point regarding the opportunities that are “in short supply.” It has been my experience that opportunities are rarely glaringly obvious solutions to our problems. They are often small whispers, little suggestions, unassuming recommendations. For example, someone offers you an all expense paid trip somewhere — the timing does not feel right to you, you have pressing matters that require your attention at home — the list of reasons why not to go are endless if we look for them. But I believe that there are no coincidences. Something would in all likelihood come out of the trip that would change your life in some way.
I sat next to a guy on a plane a few years ago who recommended The Alchemist to me. I knew that the recommendation was no coincidence and actually reading that book had a profound effect on my life. I watched the movie Julie and Julia on a plane one day. I just knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was getting a clear message from that story. Write my book and put it on the web. Oftentimes, these “opportunities” are thoughts or ideas that keep flashing through our minds. Don’t ignore these. Act on them. Yes, it often takes courage and guts to follow a whispered opportunity but as Anais Nin said, “Life shrinks and expands in proportion to one’s courage,” and to that, my life coach added, “Courage will come when you step out”.
Now I believe that things will start to happen for you. If all we needed was a dream in order to live a successful life, the entire world would be in a state of bliss. It requires so much more than that — we have to work on ourselves endlessly. We have to do what it takes to get our lives in order and in the state to receive. Making radical changes to the status quo is difficult and takes IMMENSE courage — no doubt about it. Is it worth it in the long run? In my experience, the answer is a resounding YES. To that point, there is a quote by Oscar Wilde that I love: “Most people die of a sort of creeping common sense, and discover when it’s too late that the only things one never regrets are one’s mistakes.”
So be BRAVE, be BOLD, take some risks that challenge your sense of responsibility. After all, you cannot be a great mother, father, spouse, friend, sister, brother, son, daughter or business partner until your OWN life is joyful and you are living up to your OWN expectations.
I send you love, strength and above all, courage,
JS
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The Ranch
October 2009
Why did I stop growing during the decade with Ferrari? I have yet to figure out the answer to that question although I suspect it has something to do with the piece of prose that is quoted below. I rested on my laurels, tried to live someone else’s life and years later, came out snarling and snapping. Now I have to remind myself of what I used to know for sure; that I have the ability to continue to manifest the life of my dreams.
It has been during this time of sadness and fear brought on by the final death-throws of my relationship that I have resumed the study of enlightened people. I am reading endless books by Wayne Dyer, Bob Proctor, Eckhart Tolle, Anthony Robbins and Stuart Wilde to name a few…not to mention seeking the extraordinary guidance and wisdom of my life coach, Clarity.
The day after the loud affirmation from the Universe courtesy of Mother Nature, I had a telephone session with Clarity. Now that my decision was clear about my relationship, we delved into the reasons why I have held myself back for so long. Clarity ended the session by emailing a portion of Nelson Mandela’s inaugural address to me. It was written by Marianne Williamson and goes like this:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of the Universe*. Your playing small does not serve the World.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of our creator* that is within us.
It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
My God, it was as though the piece was written exactly for me. I started to cry. I sobbed loudly – large tears rolled down my face onto my desk. This is me. The fear of letting my own light shine has paralyzed me into mediocrity. I started to thank the Mother Universe for the big wake up call that the end of my relationship has given me.
“I get it,” I said. “I really do. I’ve been living a less than fulfilling life for years and I need a kick in the arse. It’s just that I would like a break from the stress and sadness. PLEASE send me a sign for how to proceed. And thank you, thank you, thank you.” It was Monday.
On Wednesday I went down to Vancouver – I had a few meetings to attend. Not the least of which was one with a lawyer to clarify my rights and begin the process of separation. Bombshell, my neighbor at the ranch accompanied me. I stayed in a hotel in my own city for the first time ever. My city home was ten minutes away but I was not welcome there. It felt weird but still right.
That night Bombshell and I planned to meet friends at one of my favorite restaurants. I was feeling good. Emotionally, my gurus are making progress and physically, I am in the best shape of my life. During these many months of sadness and uncertainty, I have self-medicated with Forest Gump–like jogging and a large nightly Scotch.
I poured my toned body and flat stomach into a simple but sexy gray and black animal print dress and paired that with some high pewter YSL pumps, a red snakeskin clutch and chandelier earrings. I felt sexy. I oozed it and people noticed – one man in particular.
His name is Bentley. He was focused, determined and outrageously brazen and I have to confess that this is the kind of confidence that is irresistible to me…and so while I was trying to catch up with my girlfriends, I made sure not to brush him off entirely.
After drinks at the bar, we went through to our separate dining tables and during dinner Bentley stared shamelessly. I went downstairs to the washroom and when I came out, I found him in the stairwell pretending to check his Blackberry. “You are very subtle”, I said sarcastically. “And you are stunning, absolutely stunning”, he replied, “and I don’t want to leave tonight without you.” Oh my…the confidence, the flattery – And at one of the most vulnerable times of my life. How was I to resist?
After dinner, he sent champagne to our table and asked us to join him and his two friends back at the bar. By now, this was not some kind of idle flirtation. This was the kind of flirt intensity that feels like you are just one more suggestive comment away from a full -blown orgasm. To add fuel to the already hot flames, I found out that all three of them are well acquainted with Ferrari and his best friends, Gulfstream and Challenger, who already seem to view me as the devil incarnate. Shit, small city.
When the party ended, the others got into a cab and Bentley walked Bombshell and me back to our hotel. We were all reasonably inebriated. I felt no pain from my five-inch heels despite the four block walk on hard concrete and I was high on life – it was midnight and I felt as though I was just getting started.
*The story continues…be sure to tune in next time!*
Tune in to my video for a fantastic frittata, ranch style!
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Fantastic Frittata Recipe
1 T olive oil
A selection of vegetables to cover base of frypan (see video)
salt and pepper
4 eggs
1 cup egg whites
1/2 cup grated sharp cheddar cheese
Toss vegetables in olive oil in an oven-safe fry pan. Mix eggs and whites and add to pan. Move mixture around so that it begins to set throughout.
When mixture is mostly set, cover the top with the grated cheese. Place under broiler for a few minutes until cheese is bubbling and frittata is completely set.
YUM!
Don’t underestimate the power of a single bouquet to transform a room in your home. A beautiful arrangement is like a temporary art installation but without the hefty price tag…
I get 4 bouquets delivered to my home every few weeks and their freshness and colour make my home even more irresistible to me! If you can’t justify such extravagance, perhaps you can have one bouquet delivered every few weeks or try your hand at your own creations! My Vancouver home (above) is transformed by my favourite flower shop, Get Fresh.
P.S. Here you have it (the second photo above ), the first peak at my bedroom in California!
My neighbourhood friends and I have a habit that I love – getting together for Sunday suppers. We take turns to host and cook…this past Sunday, it was my turn. Not only was I in the mood for mussels, but they could not be simpler to prepare. My motto for all dinner parties, especially Sunday supper? Simple, impressive, and delicious…
I served my pot of mussels with a couple of French baguettes and one of my favourite salads: spinach with peas and feta cheese – a Jamie Oliver recipe from years ago.
Try it all – you will LOVE it…
Eat up!
JS
MUSSEL RECIPE (serves 4)
4 lbs cleaned mussels
1 tblsp butter
1 tblsp olive oil
1/2 large onion – finely chopped
2 cloves garlic – crushed
Pinch of chilli flakes
4 Roma tomatoes – roughly chopped
1 bottle dry white wine
Bunch Italian parsley – chopped
Heat oil and butter in a large saucepan – add the onion, garlic and chilli flakes. When softened, add the tomatoes. Just before serving, add the wine and the mussels. Cover with lid and bring to the boil. As soon as the mussels are open, you are ready to serve! (Throw out any unopened mussels.) Spoon into individual bowls along with some of the broth. Top with a handful of chopped parsley. Serve with crusty bread and a salad.
SPINACH SALAD RECIPE (serves 4)
4 to 6 cups organic baby spinach
1 cup shelled peas (sshh, don’t tell anyone – I use thawed frozen peas!)
1/2 cup feta cheese – cubed or torn
salt and pepper
Toss in a salad bowl and drizzle with olive oil and juice from 1/2 lemon – or to taste.